Stupid office memos

Entertainment for Friday

2008-12-16T12:00:00.000-08:00

I have been getting asked what are we planning for the entertainment portion of Friday. I think that we should all meet and figure out what if anything we are going to do? Can we get together this afternoon for about 15 minutes or less?

Fifteen minutes or less? I have a feeling the entertainment at this Xmas party is going to be pretttty good.

Fw: Weeweechu

2008-12-15T13:18:00.000-08:00

It's a romantic full moon, when Pedro said, "Hey, mamacita, let's do Weeweechu."

“Oh no, not now, let's look at the moon!" said Rosita.

“Oh, c'mon baby, let's you and I do Weeweechu. I love you and it's the perfect time," Pedro begged.

"But I wanna just hold your hand and watch the moon." replied Rosita.

“Please, corazoncito, just once, do Weeweechu with me."

Rosita looked at Pedro and said, "OK, one time, we'll do Weeweechu."

Pedro grabbed his guitar and they both sang.....

Weeweechu a Merry Christmas...Weeweechu a Merry ChristmasWeeweechu a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!

Uggggggggggggggggggggggggggggh. I'm so torn. This is both cute AND stupid...

Seasonal Message...tee hee

2008-12-15T10:23:00.000-08:00

When it snows,
Ain’t it thrilling?
Tho’ your nose
Gets a chilling?

NOT!!!

Ha! So fresh and topical- AND just in time for the Holidays. Hurray! Xmas Office forwards are arriving!!!

Cleaning of building windows

2008-12-12T12:12:00.000-08:00

Cleaners will be in the building to clean the inside faces of the exterior windows this weekend.
Please clear any items stored on the window sills and desk surfaces in front of your office windows.

Thank you for your co-operation.

Tahlula Constantine

Good message AND it’s from Tahlula. “Inside faces of windows” ughghghghhh

Subject: Parking Stall #51

2008-12-10T12:12:00.000-08:00

Would whomever is parked in Parking Stall #51, please remove your vehicle. The owner of the stall is in the building and requires the stall.

This email would have been better if the word "stall" had been used more. MORE STALL!

FYI

2008-12-09T13:37:00.001-08:00

There is a lovely bunch of chocolates in the 15th floor kitchen from Millicent!!

HAHAHAHAHAHHA SICKKKKKKKKKKKK.

Staff departures

2008-12-09T13:34:00.001-08:00

For some reason, I don't think an email like this should start off so
chipper...

Good afternoon everyone;

We wish to announce that Jenica DeSylva (temporary Communications
Coordinator) has tendered her resignation effective Friday, December
5th, 2008. The department would like to thank Jenica for her
enthusiastic service to the company and wish her the best in her new
position.

Thank You.

2008-12-09T12:17:00.000-08:00

Clear your schedules for the morning of Wednesday, October 15th for the annual High Five event. Details are coming, so keep watching this channel...

To all Department Staff

The Award Committee proudly announces:
The 8th Annual General Meeting
& 6th Annual High Five Event
“Hive Five Live”
December 12, 2008

Book your calendar now for the morning of December 12!
More details provided in the future so watch for our exciting updates!

Pssst…….”The High Five Event Planning Committee is scouting talent now…..no pressure, but to date, no one said no when asked if they would like to participate!”

Yay! More exciting updates are on the way!!!! Also, "keep watching this channel"??? What does that even mean? Keep watching this exciting email channel?

Subject: Podium Microphone - Conference Centre

2008-12-09T12:14:00.000-08:00

Hello, We are looking for the podium microphone in the Conference Centre, has anyone seen it recently.

Thank you,

Janet Malcom
Adminstration

Subject: RE: Podium Microphone - Conference Centre

When you do find it I would like an explanation on why and by whom it was removed in the first place please.

Jeff Butler
Senior Management

Uh oh...someone's in troub-troub. JUICY!!!

2008-12-08T15:23:00.000-08:00

I actually don’t understand ONE word of what this email says. Not one word. Well, except for “Attention.”

Attention: All Staff Who Use CYIM, Site Contacts, LAN Administrators:

CYIM Release 6.17 will be implemented on Sunday September 28, 2008. The key change to CYIM in this release is the ability to access the new Detailed Assessment Record (DAR) and the Ongoing Case Assessment Record (OCAR) for Champion Sites. For detailed information on this CYIM enhancement please visit:

ACS Worklinks> Tools > Work Information Module>Release Notes>CYIM Release 6.17 Document

Please note: Scheduled downtime to implement CYIM Release 6.17 will be on Sunday September 28, 2008 from 7am to 11am.

Please note that CYIM will not be available during this time. The new Release will be available for use at 11am on Sunday September 28, 2008. It is essential that all staff are logged off CYIM before 7am on Sunday September 28, 2008. We can not apply the release to your worksite if any workstation is still logged into CYIM.

When you log into CYIM after 11am on Sunday September 28,2008 access the UTILITIES MENU and select DISPLAY APPLICATION VERSION to ensure you are running Application Version 6.17.

Note To LAN Administrators: Please leave the File Server up and running to allow Release 6.17 to be implemented at your site.

If you have any questions or require additional information please contact Applications (CYIM) Support at 780-xxx-xxxx.

Thank-you.

A taste of Hungary

2008-12-08T15:15:00.000-08:00

Hello!
I have returned from Paris and Budapest and have brought a taste of Hungary back to share. I have put them on Kathleen’s shelf so please help yourselves!

Carol

It's always nice chit chatting with co-wokers. But it's even nicer not having to chit chat with co-workers. Tough luck, Kathleen.

Workplace Well-being

2008-12-08T13:11:00.000-08:00

The Wellness and Safety Committee
is pleased to offer
an opportunity to see a
Massage Therapist

Chair Massage

Date: November 28, 2008
Location: 19th Floor, WinstonPlace
Cost: $25.00 ½ hour
Payment Options: Cash or Cheque

If you would like to book a session please e-mail Carole McMillie to request an appoint time. We will try to accommodate all requests. Please ensure that your supervisor/work area is aware of your scheduled appointment ahead of time. ENJOY!

Brought to you by your
Wellness and Safety Committee.

Okay. How creepy is this email to get at work and how creepy is that picture?

Re: the corporate world

2008-12-08T08:27:00.000-08:00

An excerpt from an actual email:

Re: your voicemail message asking about dropping the “www.” From our URL when using it on promotional items. That’s a really good question. Like the “1” in “1-800” which we dropped because we felt everyone knows that you dial “1” before a toll free number, it might be time to drop the “www.” before our URL as we can pretty safely assume that everybody knows to type “www.” before the rest of a web address. However, do you have any examples of other organizations that have dropped the “www.” ? I wouldn’t want to be the first or to do it if it is not widely done by others. I’d be interested in the thoughts of others on this question.

:O Have you ever seen anything more gloroious that this???? I think this one might be the BEST stupid office memo to date. For serious.

FYI- In case you're wondering, the correct answer to this question is to schedule a meeting and create a URL committee task force.

Heating Issues

2008-12-08T08:16:00.000-08:00

I have been advised by the building operators that they have turned off the chillers for the entire building so it should get warmer on all of our floors. If you do get too warm, please let me know so that I can advise them. Also, I believe there is a problem with hot water in the building, as in there is none. They are working on that problem as well.

Thanks

Wondrous! Remember kids: in the corporate world it's very risky to state anything outright- even things that are very, very obvious. Instead, it's best to "presume" or "believe" things. That way you can't be held accountable :)

Office Signs

2008-11-19T12:32:00.000-08:00

This is why Management is better than you. Management doesn't take hour long craps at work.

Halloween Contests!

2008-11-19T10:20:00.000-08:00

ABC’s Halloween Contest Results!

Yay. You mean Team #4 wins more of the doughnuts we get EVERY Friday?

FYI

2008-11-19T10:12:00.000-08:00

Good Morning!

There is left-over lasagna, spinach salad and squares in the 7th floor kitchen if anyone is interested.

Thanks,

Georgina

I have no idea who is ordering and not eating all this food. I also have no idea who eats lasagna before 10:30am.

FYI- Baby Announcement

2008-11-19T09:55:00.000-08:00

Trudy's grand-daughter Jennica just gave birth to an absolutely adorable 8lb 9oz baby girl named Laila or Leyla or whatever, ask her tomorrow. She is healthy, so is mom, grandma and it's debatable how great-grandma is because she's a LITTLE OVER THE TOP, but HAPPY!!! Pictures to follow hopefully tomorrow.

I love that no one knows the actual name of the baby...not even Trudy.

More office halloween parties

2008-11-19T08:04:00.000-08:00

Get a kick out of Halloween

at the CBG Halloween Potluck!

When: Friday, October 31

Where: 3rd Floor Lunch room

Prizes: There will be two prize draws, one for everyone who is in costume and one for everyone who brings or buys a dish to share

Yes! You can enter both draws

see you there

This is one of those times when I really wish I knew how to use computers. It's also one of those times when I wish I knew how to format posts in blogger. I can't get this paragraph chunk to sit nicely at the bottom the the page. What gives?

Anyway, the above office forward sent in by a reader is spectacular! Come with me as I take you on a journey into GIF's...what you can't see are the little skeletons engaged in hot GIF action! The one on the left *kicks* the one on the right, which only leads too perfectly into the glorious opening line inviting us all to "get a kick out of Halloween." Wonderful! Unfortunately, I have no idea how to re-create this magical effect. So you'll just have to take my word that this posting is really, really good and that you really enjoyed reading it.

Bonus points for having a workplace that held both a costume contest AND a potluck AND for allowing employees to enter both draws. This stupid office memos is a real gem.

FYI

2008-11-18T14:45:00.001-08:00

Oh the leftover bliss that is the 7th floor lunchroom...

There is a bit of salad and a couple of sandwiches in the 7th floor lunchroom for anyone who’s interested. Please help yourselves.

Thanks,

XXXXX XXXXXX

2008-11-18T14:33:00.000-08:00

Clip art in its finest form. Notice the use of old thyme guy and "money eyes" smiley- they really add to the overall effect of the office forward. Also, starting any correspondence off with HEAR YE! HEAR YE! is always a good idea.

HEAR YE!
HEAR YE!

Now that we have a secure place to store the Food Bank Donations, we will be able to accept your CASH DONATIONS!!!! As of today, look for the FOOD BANK CASH DONATION jar at all Cake Day functions.

Remember – donations today get your name into the draw for a weekend night at the Hilton in Vancouver.

2008-11-18T11:15:00.000-08:00

I'm not sure what the catfish has to do with anything, but I like it.

Happy Birthday, Glenda!

FYI

2008-11-18T11:05:00.000-08:00

Hello,

There is leftover chicken curry in the 7th Floor lunchroom from Joel's Seminar. Please go very quietly; the seminar is still in session.

Thank you,

XXXX XXXXXXX
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I think my favourite part is that you have to quietly sneak chicken curry away to eat at your cube.

Halloween post

2008-11-18T09:17:00.000-08:00

I can only assume that for office forwarders the holiday seasons are a real treat. Maybe they see it as a great time for creative, fun office forwards that everyone will enjoy. I see it as a time to make any many puns as possible with most unreadable font MS Word has to offer.

This office forward was submitted by a friend over Halloween. Spoooooooky!

The myth of the office forward

2008-11-18T09:02:00.001-08:00

I'd often heard stories of the corporate world, of a place where clip art is common and where email forwards clog up inboxes. It wasn't until I joined the professional workforce that I realized these stories were true.

Everyday I receive a new office forward- sometimes it's from Helen reminding us all to "giddy up" and donate to the United Way campaign; other times it's Frank asking us to please make sure we push our chairs in after we meet in the boardroom; and sometimes it's Judy from the social committee combining her talents of using clip art and pun making in word documents to invite us to the latest team building activity.

These office forwards have only been edited to protect the identity of those who work there. Some of the entries have been sent in by other cynical office workers, but I can assure you that the forwards themselves have not been edited or changed in any other way. I invite you to read through and take in the glory and the wonder of stupid office forwards...